Roderich Marquart
Mona Lisa's Dirty Secret
An Italian investigations team hired by undisclosed
sources to look into the origins of Leonardo's smiling
maiden has uncovered some startling revelations.
The subject of the famous painting, which has wooed
the hearts of thousands of men over the centuries,
was actually a gentleman by the name of Monagan Lisapacoccino,
a Venician transvestite. To those unfamiliar with Venician
history, it may be of interest to note that transvesticism
was common in Leonardo's time and was looked favorably
upon by the social elite. In fact, they played an integral
role in the social activities of the upper class and
entertained statesmen, rich merchants and evidently
great artists as well.
It is not known, however, if Mr. Lisapacoccino was more
intimately involved with Mr. da Vinci. Whether their
relationship transgressed "professional"
boundaries is still mere speculation. Denial of this
discovery will no doubt run rampant. We understand
that the curator of the Louvre in Paris, where the
painting hangs, is persuing legal action to dispel
the incredible revelation. We suggest he take a closer
look, and as for the mystery of the strange smile of
the subject, that too seems to have been effectively
cleared up.